perpetual trust
Since Karston has been born, the most surprising thing for Annie and I has been the perpetual fear that we have felt. Let me explain…
We have a baby. Babies are small. Our baby is small. Babies are fragile. Our baby is fragile.
We are in charge of the health and safety of our small and fragile baby.
On top of it all, we love this baby more than words can express. Way more.
What this has led to is a pretty consistent fear that our baby, Karston, may not do very good at any moment. It makes us sleep very lightly. It makes us turn the baby monitor on way louder than is necessary. We check on Karston a lot, even when he just coughs a little bit. The trip up the stairs is just a short trip, even for my wife who is recovering from surgery, if it means making sure that our baby is okay. Even if we have to do it 40 times a day.
There is a perpetual fear that we feel.
What this fear has pushed us to do, in order to get any sleep or peace of mind, is two-fold:
1. Do everything that we can possibly do to ensure that Karston is safe.
2. Trust.
When dealing with things outside our control, all that we have left to do is to trust God. We have to trust God that He cares about Karston more than we do and He will keep him safe. Trust that God is watching out for Karston. Trust that no matter what, God is in control of everything.
When we have perpetual fear, we fight to meet it with perpetual trust.
We don’t always win that fight, but we fight anyways.
December 11, 2007 at 12:50 am
Hey Mike,
Glad to hear that you all are doing well. It’s a new world for you now – one that you get to introduce to your son. God bless;
Daniel
December 11, 2007 at 7:46 am
It’s amazing loving someone, so small, that is physically hurts. I spent countless nights on my knees by my daughters crib praying to God that He protect her.
FYI, that doesn’t change. Even as they grow “big”, you have to trust even more that He will protect them because they are not always with you.